There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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