we have officially lost it.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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