I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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