He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize