Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
