I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
