Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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