I just threw up on my dentist
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
