just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
