I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
