thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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