i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize