Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
