I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
