I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize