Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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