Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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