From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
