It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
