the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We got so high we made milksteak
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
