It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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