I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
