Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
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