Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I am mentally ready for anal.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
