I hate your face
so let's talk penis.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
