i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Buhtt sex?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
