Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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