I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
