I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
