Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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