My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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