What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
