Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
