theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize