Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
