standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize