It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
