dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
