I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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