I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
