I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize