why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize