Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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