Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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