I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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