why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
