I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
