How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
