No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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