Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
