my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize