i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
