im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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