Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
