He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
