I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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