I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize