I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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