I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think I am morally bankrupt
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This is classic penis vs brain.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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