I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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