There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
We're hate flirting, damnit.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
