Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
