We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
