We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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