I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize