I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
