Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
