Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You were trust falling into bushes
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
