no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
