i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
