everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
