i think my tv is drunk
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
