just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
